Underneath The Whiskey by Chelsea Lauren
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Underneath the Whiskey is a gut-wrenching tale of a man who is struggling with his sexuality and feels compelled to be what society and his wife expect him to be. Benjamin is a successful businessman with a wife and young children. On the outside he seemingly has everything, but appearances can be deceiving. His marriage is more of a charade, and he has tried to force himself to be the man that his wife wants him to be. He went to conversion therapy as his wife insisted and was “cured” of his homosexuality after he had a brief affair with another man. Benjamin wanted to leave his wife but was unable to because she became pregnant, and he felt obligated to stay and care for her and the baby. Instead, he stayed, went to therapy, and forced himself to be happy in the life he had. Benjamin placed his time, focus, and energy into starting his dream business of owning a coffee shop.

Benjamin’s coffee shop business is thriving, with several locations now open, and he needs to hire a manager to help run the daily operations. This is when he meets Caden, who applies for the position of manager. Benjamin feels attracted to Caden and the two have an instant connection and he no longer must hide who he is. As the two spend time together and carry on a secret affair Benjamin finds himself conflicted with the double lives he is living. Both men have issues and baggage that they must work through as Benjamin is forced to face the demons from his past. Will Benjamin continue leading a double life? Will he finally leave his wife and come out of the closet?

This was a heart-wrenching and compelling read that had me riveted to the end. The storyline and scenes were well written, and the characters were ones that you instantly feel a connection to. Benjamin was a man that was unhappy in his life but felt obligated to stay out of a sense of duty to provide for his wife and children. He struggled with his sexuality, but his wife and therapist told him that he was wrong to feel that way and that his affair with another man was a mistake. This story was not full of sunshine and lollipops as Benjamin struggled through self-doubt, he sinks into despair, begins to drink to take the edge off, and starts to spiral out of control. Crippled by fear, doubt, insecurity, and familial obligation, Benjamin begins to hit rock bottom. This book may have triggers for some as it dealt with issues like alcoholism, suicidal thoughts, mental illness, conversion therapy, and abuse. It was filled with raw emotions that will take you on a rollercoaster ride and have you reaching for the Kleenex. I highly recommend!

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